Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

My girlfriend told me that she wants to move in with me. I have my own apartment and I like my peace and quiet, but I also love her. We've been together for a year now. What should I do?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

Thinking from a spiritual perspective, can we say that the journey in recovering from narcissistic abuse a battle of spiritual warfare? Any thoughts on this?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I actually pay taxes

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

Why are so many young teenage boys misogynistic? Where do they get these attitudes from?

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Have you ever seen your wife being fucked?

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

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I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

Do older men realize that younger women usually do not prefer them?

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

What is a common thought that keeps people up at night? Why do some people experience this?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

Why do good-looking men date homely women?

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

Is it necessary for people to wear towels while showering at gyms? If so, what are some ways to prevent the towel from slipping off and exposing oneself?

I don’t buy bullshit

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I have a reading level above third grade

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I see through liars

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

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I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

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I can read

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I can count

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is